A Spot of Bother…!

Ted lifted the receiver,
it was Pedro again.
He managed a villa for
Ted in sunny Spain.
.
Set in beautiful country
in rough terrain,
miles from anywhere…
That was Ted’s domain.
.
‘Hi Pedro! What’s up?’
‘Bad news, Senor Ted.
George your parrot has
dropped down dead.’
.
‘Damn! My favourite
prize-winning bird.
He was still young. I’m
surprised it occurred.’
.
‘Senor Ted, it was
over in a beat.
He died from eating
rotten meat.’
.
‘Who fed him that?
Some idiot of course.’
‘No Senor Ted, he ate
off a dead horse.’
.
‘A dead horse?
Is that what you said?’
Oh! Don’t tell me…
NOT my thoroughbred!’
.
‘Yes, Senor Ted. He died
right at the start.
From the strain of
pulling the water cart.’
.
‘Oh dear, what water cart?’
Asked Ted, afraid to enquire.
‘The one we used to
put out the fire.’
.
‘Good lord! A fire?
What do you mean?’
‘A candle, Senor Ted.
It was unforeseen.
.
First the curtains
caught alight,
then everything went up.
There was no respite.’
.
‘So, because of a candle,
my house is no more.
Who lit the candle?
And what was it for?’
.
‘For the funeral of course.
It went well, Senor Ted…
All of the guests were
fully liquored and fed.’
.
‘WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?
Tell me right away.
Who actually died
and was it foul play?’
.
‘It was your ex-wife.
She showed up one night.
I thought she was a thief
and slugged her outright.’
.
‘Well Pedro what more
disasters can you bring?
You must have thought
of everything.’
.
‘Yes, Senor Ted, that’s it.
But here’s the rub.
I killed your ex-wife
with your Tiger Woods club.’
.
For a long time
nothing was said.
Until Pedro enquired,
‘Are you there, Senor Ted?’
.
Slowly and clearly
his boss said,
‘If you’ve broken my driver…
Man, YOU’RE DEAD!’
.
End. Copyright February 2008 - Joe Thomas.